When I consider where I thought my life would be as I laid on that bed in hospital, I never thought it would be as it is right now. At the time, the sharp pain only reminded me of my incompetence which got me to this point. I am restless, mind racing a million miles per hour. Alone in the middle of the night with no one beside me, only the ceiling to stare at as my head is fixed to the bed, immobile. The nurse comes to check on me. She smiles, asking how I’m feeling. “Not great” I whisper as quietly as possible, so not to disturb anyone with my misery. Maybe I should have taken them up on that morphine after all. Hopefully the chance to take it won’t return any time soon.
I didn’t think I would ever reach for my scar and smile. I consider what the scar means to me. It is a part of me that will never disappear. At the moment it aches a little when I lay my head to rest in a certain position on hard surfaces. But when I take notice it reminds me of another time, another place. I like that though. Through my scar I am humbled.
I will tell the story of my scar another time. For now I am going to end with this wonderful quote from Omar Khayyam – the famous Iranian mathematician, astronomer, philosopher, and poet
The Worldly Hope men set their Hearts upon
Turns Ashes — or it prospers; and,
Like Snow upon the Desert’s dusty Face,
Lighting a little hour or two — is gone